France Maya June 9, 2021 Spreadsheet
The former hangs like a transparent curtain four feet above the floor and shrink-wraps itself to anyone bold enough to attempt passing through. The latter represents a fragrant blend of beer, cheap cologne, and unkempt toilets, and assaults an unsuspecting visitor‘s nose like an aggressive index finger. By Saturday, the fragrance would be pungent enough to cause mere mortals to speak in tongues. Lance led the way with Lester in tow, dodging around dark figures that emerged from the nicotine and odoriferous fog. Lester had difficulty keeping up, licking the lenses of his glasses and tie-drying them as they wove their ways toward diffused light they assumed was the bar area where lusty women awaited.
So why does data that inevitably finds its way into a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet often suffer from the problems outlined above. The reasons are many. If the data is imported, it may have been sourced from a combination of other spreadsheets, databases, systems, reports, word documents, emails or web pages. If the data has been entered manually it may have been poorly done so by an inexperienced computer users such as administrative or junior staff with a lack of understanding for data structures. Excel is easy to use and widely accessible, so an inexperienced colleague can quite easily update your spreadsheet with a false sense of confidence and inadvertently enter new data incorrectly. And finally, unlike a fully functional software system, data entry in Excel generally has no automatic validating rules, unless carefully setup by the spreadsheet‘s creator.
Structured Query Language, often referred to as SQL, is a grammar of instructions that allows us to tell a relational database to add, modify or delete data. The key benefit, pardon the pun, of SQL is that it allows us to craft instructions relating large sets of data together. In this way SQL is the natural complement to the single cell and formula based interface of spreadsheets like Microsoft Excel. Imagine you had five hundred appointments from your business calendar laid out in a table. Each appointment might have a day, time, location and description. Now imagine you also had five hundred appointments from your partners business calendar, also each having a day, time, location and description.
Templates are spreadsheets that are pre-formatted with text, colors, and/or formulas. They can be used to save you time and effort. Sometimes you are using a workbook as a template and don‘t even realize it. By this I mean you have a spreadsheet that you use daily, weekly or monthly. You may have to modify a few cells but the remainder of the spreadsheet is exactly the way you want it. It may be tedious to modify the cells but it is easier than recreating it from scratch. Guess what, you have the basis of a template!
He grossed $2,000 a week for his bosses, and earned slightly less than $500 for himself. Still, the wages kept him in seeds, bowling shoes, stick pins, and a Platinum Buddy Holly Fan Club Membership. Lester‘s favorite word was ”crapola,” and he applied it to the ball bearing factory‘s antiquated data processing system in coats as thick as the olive drab membrane clinging to the smudgy glass before him. ”You piteous piece of crapola!” he‘d hiss at the computer when error messages flashed across its screen or its ancient system locked under the demand of crunching numbers to the tenth decimal point. ”Some day I‘ll throw your sorry ass into one of those melting pots out there!”
Lester P. Goodbinder had suffered another agonizing week in Pittsburgh. The semi-annual audit he conducted at the Bourgeois Ball Bearing Factory stretched into five 14-hour days examining electronic spreadsheets on an archaic computer system installed in the early ‘80s. The equipment churned so abysmally he cleverly joked to himself it was powered by lazy hamsters on treadmills. Not only that, the accounting software loaded on the system was an early version of ”Abacus,” and only slightly faster than a key-punch adding machine but considerably slower than a hand-held calculator.
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