Marcelle Chloé June 5, 2021 Spreadsheet
”Happy crapola!” he exclaimed, rising from the rollered chair and scooping accordion folds of printouts into his tattered briefcase. He snatched his worn black suit coat from a hanger on the back of the office door, switched off the fluorescent overheads, and walked to the executive offices in the adjoining building. When his audit week ended, Lester typically teamed with Lance Lott for a tour of the local watering holes. Lance was a marketing guy he‘d met when he first worked the Bourgeois account. Lance also was single, and resembled Keanu Reeves on a bad hair day. Lester considered him a ”chick magnet,” and although he himself never got lucky on their semi-annual expeditions, the other always disappeared with a babe on his arm. Lester decided, tonight would be HIS night.
He grossed $2,000 a week for his bosses, and earned slightly less than $500 for himself. Still, the wages kept him in seeds, bowling shoes, stick pins, and a Platinum Buddy Holly Fan Club Membership. Lester‘s favorite word was ”crapola,” and he applied it to the ball bearing factory‘s antiquated data processing system in coats as thick as the olive drab membrane clinging to the smudgy glass before him. ”You piteous piece of crapola!” he‘d hiss at the computer when error messages flashed across its screen or its ancient system locked under the demand of crunching numbers to the tenth decimal point. ”Some day I‘ll throw your sorry ass into one of those melting pots out there!”
One of the topics I cover on my Advanced Excel courses is hardly ‘advanced‘ at all, but it is a very useful and popular technique with my students. It makes use of the OLE capability to create invoices by embedding Excel data. First you need to create an Excel spreadsheet and format it in an appropriate manner, keeping in mind that this will form the basic structure of your invoice and will eventually be seen by your clients. You don‘t include any Company contact details or logos in the spreadsheet though as these will be incorporated into the Word document. The next step is to lay out the invoice itself in a Word document, based upon your normal Company letterhead. Leave the main body of the document empty as this is where the Excel spreadsheet will be embedded. All you need in this master Word document is your usual Company branding and contact information.
Microsoft plans to have this program up soon and now Google is beta testing a similar situation, which would allow you to do essentially the same thing. Why is this good? Well, consider the Digital divide in the world and if everyone just had a terminal rather than a big hard drive with lots of expensive stuff on the computer then they can store all their information at one location. By doing this, the computers would actually be terminals and it would be very inexpensive to make them, meaning that everyone in the world could afford to have one and everyone in the world could be online and interconnected in a giant collective of humanity. There would be no one who would be without the Internet and this would bring the world closer together in a common cause.
He was an ex-divorce attorney who had seen firsthand what a messy thing divorce was when lawyers were involved. He developed a program where a couple would meet together, with him present, and work through the divorce piece by piece. Property, finances, kids, pensions. It was a great system. And he was cheap! Relatively speaking. It took about 10 months including some stops and starts (”what do you mean you want some of my inheritance? if you want my inheritance then you STAY married to me”) but in the end we were able to come to terms with each other in a reasonable and fair way.
Microsoft Excel is a phenomenally powerful calculator. You can create spreadsheets with 10,000 lines of data and calculate subtotals instantly. Indeed, if you change your data, any totals will get automatically updated. Arguably that‘s not too impressive. If we have quarterly revenues of $1m, and we secure another $20k, we can update our subtotal without summing revenues from scratch. So it‘s more impressive that Excel can do the same thing with statistical functions. If you‘ve ever plotted a chart on Excel, you may be aware that you can add a best fit line. These best fit lines are calculated using a method known as regression. Basically, you have to calculate the distance of every single point from the line, and minimise the sum. The maths is a little more sophisticated but the key point is that, every time you change the data, you need to perform the analysis all over again.
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