France Maya June 7, 2021 Spreadsheet
About four months after my husband asked for a divorce I made an appointment to meet a divorce attorney recommended by my therapist. She was 60 years old, short, smart and focused. I thought she was great. She charged $350.00 per hour. It was good that she was focused. I was at the time furious at my husband for his recent behaviors and I told her that I wanted to file for divorce immediately. Could she explain the process to me?
Lester P. Goodbinder had suffered another agonizing week in Pittsburgh. The semi-annual audit he conducted at the Bourgeois Ball Bearing Factory stretched into five 14-hour days examining electronic spreadsheets on an archaic computer system installed in the early ‘80s. The equipment churned so abysmally he cleverly joked to himself it was powered by lazy hamsters on treadmills. Not only that, the accounting software loaded on the system was an early version of ”Abacus,” and only slightly faster than a key-punch adding machine but considerably slower than a hand-held calculator.
Lester loved his numeric universe, but this was not how he had envisioned his life unfolding; flying hither and thither from his hometown of Hershey to wherever his firm wished to send him. Just because he was 38, single, and still living with his folks didn‘t mean his employer should take advantage of him which, in fact, his company did on a regular basis. After all, Lester had other important interests, too. The ”Four Bs” he called them: Botany, bowling, bugs and Buddy Holly. Myriad plants crowded his tiny room in his parent‘s house, forcibly sucking carbon dioxide out of anyone who entered. Bowling trophies – ranging in size from tiny silver cups to massive bronze edifices shaped like the Empire State Building – claimed space not dominated by flower pots, planter boxes, and hanging baskets.
Lester‘s temporary office at the Factory was glassed on all sides, and surrounded by the sights, sounds, searing temperatures, and smells of the smelting and pouring areas. Originally, the cubbyhole had been used for storing coal and coke until the plant converted to gas-fired furnaces in the mid-‘50s. Over the next three decades a succession of plant superintendents used the room to boink their secretaries, which necessitated its windows being painted a squalid olive drab. During 10 years of performing this chore every six months, Lester had scraped two panes clear, so now he could gaze into the murky, smoky, smelly pit outside as he waited for the grinding computer and clackety printer to spit out a stream of spreadsheets.
In a well-designed spreadsheet, any output can be calculated from the raw data. However, that‘s not always enough. Sometimes the output is fixed and the raw data is variable. Let‘s say you run an investment company and want to offer your clients a fixed return. An Excel expert could create a very complex model to calculate the likely return on investments over a fixed period. You could then calculate the internal rate of return being offered to clients. The problem is that you‘re not interested in the return offered to clients; that is, after all, fixed. Instead you‘re concerned with how much money you expect to draw from the investment fund, whilst still offering your investors a satisfactory return. If you have $1 and owe investors a quarter, you can calculate your profits using a simple formula.
There seems to be a move on the Internet to have only terminals for Internet users and all the hard drive would be saved at giant Internet hubs. Microsoft would like to have all their programs at get their location and users would pay a monthly subscription fee for things like Microsoft Word and Microsoft XL. This way people could do there creating at their terminal and all the data would be backed up that Microsoft. Also, everyone could interface together since they all had the latest version with the latest features. It makes a lot of sense to do it this way.
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